Good, Josh...there is lot more analysis going on in this one! :) Just be careful that in your enthusiasm for getting the ideas out there, you are writing what you really mean to...there are quite a few instances where you have substituted one word for another (and where the spell-check wouldn't pick them up as they are actual words), or where your sentences end up a bit garbled, here for example- '... the wolf in that fairy tale really wanted to get in to the pigs hurts'
You should also separate your text up into smaller paragraphs, as at the moment it is quite daunting for your reader to be faced with such a large wall of text.
You have a quote from the film in there, which also needs to be referenced...have a look at the referencing guide under 'Films, DVDs and Video tapes' for how to do this.
Finally, don't use the 1st person when writing, as it makes it a very subjective point of view. So instead of saying, 'I think,' you can say something like 'It could be said that...'
Good, Josh...there is lot more analysis going on in this one! :)
ReplyDeleteJust be careful that in your enthusiasm for getting the ideas out there, you are writing what you really mean to...there are quite a few instances where you have substituted one word for another (and where the spell-check wouldn't pick them up as they are actual words), or where your sentences end up a bit garbled, here for example-
'... the wolf in that fairy tale really wanted to get in to the pigs hurts'
You should also separate your text up into smaller paragraphs, as at the moment it is quite daunting for your reader to be faced with such a large wall of text.
You have a quote from the film in there, which also needs to be referenced...have a look at the referencing guide under 'Films, DVDs and Video tapes' for how to do this.
Finally, don't use the 1st person when writing, as it makes it a very subjective point of view. So instead of saying, 'I think,' you can say something like 'It could be said that...'