Okay - good solid basis here, but there's lots to establish and set up in a very short time, and your knowledge of everything in your story needs to be conveyed effectively to your audience.
At the moment, the relationship/functionality of the stellar lighthouse isn't actually 'in' your story - at least your script asserts that the lighthouse is guiding ships to earth, but how will that set-up be conveyed? While still image/montage can work, I wonder if this whole sequence should be created that way - it might simply be that this a montage of short scenes as opposed to static images.
I'm not completely sure I understand from your script what the relationship is between the lighthouse and the pine-forest? Is the light-house on some kind of floating dome/sphere/island thing? If so, what's the logic of that - why would a space-bound lighthouse also have a pine-forest? Would it not make more sense that the guy goes back to earth to get the tree, and instead of him seeing the lighthouse destroyed, he learns of its destruction in another way - so he receives some kind of transmission from her - we see her face on the screen, she's panicking, she's warning him - and then he looks up into the sky and see's an explosion in the lighthouse array - and the audience can put 2 and 2 together? Right now, it's not completely clear in terms of the spatial relations between the various locations.
In terms of the Christmas decorations etc. isn't it more poignant if they don't have any in the scene to begin with? So, he notices her looking at family photos on her viewing tablet - of traditional Christmases with her family + tree etc. The actual interior of the lighthouse is cold and unwelcoming - as it is always, because it's a utilitarian space. It seems to me that this makes more of his gesture to go down to the planet. Also - just in terms of coherence, I don't know why your guy would be using an axe - maybe something more obviously sci-fi to keep us in the bigger world of your story? Laser?
I'm really interested in you developing all the little visual ways of enriching your story without taking up more screen time; so for example, the purpose of the lighthouse and their staff can be communicated by the logo on their uniforms - so when the woman opens the door we get information from her clothes that tells us something about the role of the lighthouse; you need to find all these visual means of telling us stuff that's important, building your world out of the mise-en-scene.
Time to start directing with a pencil - and thinking really clearly as to what the audience needs to be shown (as opposed to what you already know about your story and its world). Lots to design here, Josh. I want you to avoid generic sci-fi stuff; you've got lighthouses, alien ships, human ships (they should be very different!), you've got interiors, you've got uniforms. I want you to remember all the experience of term 2 - visual concepts - what are they? Why does your world look the way it does? Your design choices matter, josh - and you've got lots to do! :)
OGR 22/01/2015
ReplyDeleteHi Josh,
Okay - good solid basis here, but there's lots to establish and set up in a very short time, and your knowledge of everything in your story needs to be conveyed effectively to your audience.
At the moment, the relationship/functionality of the stellar lighthouse isn't actually 'in' your story - at least your script asserts that the lighthouse is guiding ships to earth, but how will that set-up be conveyed? While still image/montage can work, I wonder if this whole sequence should be created that way - it might simply be that this a montage of short scenes as opposed to static images.
I'm not completely sure I understand from your script what the relationship is between the lighthouse and the pine-forest? Is the light-house on some kind of floating dome/sphere/island thing? If so, what's the logic of that - why would a space-bound lighthouse also have a pine-forest? Would it not make more sense that the guy goes back to earth to get the tree, and instead of him seeing the lighthouse destroyed, he learns of its destruction in another way - so he receives some kind of transmission from her - we see her face on the screen, she's panicking, she's warning him - and then he looks up into the sky and see's an explosion in the lighthouse array - and the audience can put 2 and 2 together? Right now, it's not completely clear in terms of the spatial relations between the various locations.
In terms of the Christmas decorations etc. isn't it more poignant if they don't have any in the scene to begin with? So, he notices her looking at family photos on her viewing tablet - of traditional Christmases with her family + tree etc. The actual interior of the lighthouse is cold and unwelcoming - as it is always, because it's a utilitarian space. It seems to me that this makes more of his gesture to go down to the planet. Also - just in terms of coherence, I don't know why your guy would be using an axe - maybe something more obviously sci-fi to keep us in the bigger world of your story? Laser?
I'm really interested in you developing all the little visual ways of enriching your story without taking up more screen time; so for example, the purpose of the lighthouse and their staff can be communicated by the logo on their uniforms - so when the woman opens the door we get information from her clothes that tells us something about the role of the lighthouse; you need to find all these visual means of telling us stuff that's important, building your world out of the mise-en-scene.
Time to start directing with a pencil - and thinking really clearly as to what the audience needs to be shown (as opposed to what you already know about your story and its world). Lots to design here, Josh. I want you to avoid generic sci-fi stuff; you've got lighthouses, alien ships, human ships (they should be very different!), you've got interiors, you've got uniforms. I want you to remember all the experience of term 2 - visual concepts - what are they? Why does your world look the way it does? Your design choices matter, josh - and you've got lots to do! :)